Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
