I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
