I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
