I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
