At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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