I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She bit a glass in half.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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