He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
