I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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