A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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