oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
