Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
