I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
