i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
