He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
