the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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