Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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