He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
