dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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