This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
