watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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