I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
