i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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