If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
