Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
