I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
