hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
