Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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