It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
