she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
