So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize