Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
