Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
