i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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