dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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