plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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