i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
