I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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