I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
