I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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