Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
