I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
