Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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