Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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