on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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