the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize