The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize