moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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