I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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