Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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