Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
