Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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