U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
