Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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