well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
