mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
50% drunk capacity currently
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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