Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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