operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
