why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
