I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do herpes really smell.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
