In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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