What a fucking waste of an outfit
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
