Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
