I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
