You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
