i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
