Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
