She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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