My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
